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Date: 5/7/2012Time: 8:58pm
Sun Phase: Taurus
Moon Phase: Saggitarius, Waning
Mood: serene, focused, harmonized, industrious
Activities: Meditations and Qabalistic Cross (in car), Qabalistic Cross, Lesser Ritual of the Pentagram (invoking)
The past several months have been spiritually stimulating. Smoking pot as a sacrament has been helpful with depression and spiritual awakening and mindfulness. Though some instances of laziness and burnt out feelings have occurred as a result of non-ceremonial use. I have not been as dedicated to keeping record as I could be but this has been due to the spontaneotty of the actions. I am starting to become more aware of the self and subtle body, moods and emotions which spring forth are quelled sometimes intentionally but more often than not unconsciously. This has helped me in more ways than one. I recently had the opportunity to go on tour with a band but anxiety struck and the time-table to leave was so short. Sticking with my cancerian gut and reliability I have down-played and avoided making a decision though I have learned much. Not to sway so quickly with my emotions and jump on a chance which would have ravaged my foundation for a gleeful adventure I had been longing for. This has strengthened me internally, to pass up what I have wanted so bad for the past 5 years but knowing I will have another chance and choosing wisely to suffer my toils longer and in balance and harmony. I am started to feel less upset and angry and lost. I am starting to do what I need to and to look about me for the divine essence. I ventured into the edge of a darkened wood only to find an eagle or hawk flurry out onto a branch over-looking me as an omen and guard to the dangers of the forest. This is emblematic of the root of my struggles; Fear. I must conquer fear and harmonize the opposites. Women, career and spiritual pursuits are hampered by this and all along it has bitten my ankles.
Also, I have been spending time with a female friend which has given my moods and confidence some much needed sustenance. I do not have any serious emotional intentions other than to enjoy feminine company to restore peace and balance to my soul.
Today whilst meditating on various passage of the Weiser Concise Guide to Astrology I came upon the concept of returning to the child-like awe and reverence for all. I saw The Sun (major arcana) and the child reminded me of Idun’s apples (of the Norse mythology) and the concept of returning to a youthful state of being. I also thought of my recent spring-tide adventures riding my bike around and partying on random beaches. While not so productive in the realms of Malkuth, none-the-less has been beneficial to my emotions and helped to stabilize them. The ultimate goal of the Magus is to attain something like early-childhood awe and reverence for existence (though with the faculties of the mind/perception more clear and defining) and eventually transcendence back into the womb-void of ALL.
I have some ideas for working in the woods with Earth magick, specifically Norse/Celtic however I am hesitant to leave the bounds of my G.D. based ceremonial/Victorian based works. I suppose it would be fitting to ascend to Malkuth via some Earthly Rune-based magick.
For now I sign off to read some more of the Concise Guide to Astrology.
-Frater S.E.
L.V.X!
